Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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