What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
birth control should be required to get into college
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
