I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
