So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
