Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
