I accidentally had phone sex last night
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
