wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
