I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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