Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
