Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
