so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
