Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My vagina is officially offended.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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