Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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