no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
