Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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