He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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