Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the condom got lost in my hair
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
soo... how was my night?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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