I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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