i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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