just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
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