very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I need a beard to bite.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
