I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
