He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Randomize
