As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
