so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
