And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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