And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
