So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
