1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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