he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
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