the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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