I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
