Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Girls should come with a carfax report
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
