and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
