was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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