She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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