Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
