Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
