You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
