my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
