I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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