I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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