Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
