i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
