organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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