it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
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