If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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