after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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