Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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