Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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